tracywan:

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Frank O’Hara passed away 48 years ago today. Here is something to make all of us miss him.

PRESENT  (hear him read it here)


The stranded gulch
below Grand Central
the gentle purr of cab tires in snow
and hidden stars
tears on the windshield
torn inexorably away in whining motion
and the dark thoughts which surround neon

in Union Square I see you for a moment
red green yellow searchlights cutting through
falling flakes, head bent to the wind
wet and frowning, melancholy, trying

I know perfectly well where you walk to
and that we’ll meet in even greater darkness
later and will be warm.

so our cross
of paths will not be just muddy footprints
in the morning

not like celestial bodies’
yearly passes, nothing pushes us away
from each other

even now I can lean
forward across the square and see
your surprised grey look become greener
as I wipe the city’s moisture from
your face

and you shake the snow
off onto my shoulder, light as a breath
where the quarrels and vices of
estranged companions weighed so bitterly
and accidentally

before, I saw you on
the floor of my life walking slowly
that time in summer rain stranger and
nearer

to become a way of feeling
that is not painful casual or diffuse
and seems to explore some peculiar insight
of the heavens for its favorite bodies
in the mixed-up air

So many changes happening in my life right now. I’m excited, nervous, scared, wondering if I’m doing the right things, anxious, onthevergeofpeeingmypants, and happy. 

I feel like I’m the healthiest I’ve been in a long time both mentally and physically. I never really considered how my physical health could affect my emotional and mental well-being. Ever since I started focusing on being an overall healthier person, I’ve been noticing small changes in myself and I love it. Not only is my anxiety lessened, but I just enjoy things more. I actually eat right and exercise now because of the way it makes me feel and not out of punishment or for the attainment of some ideal body type. The biggest payoff is that I have more confidence in myself and my abilities. 

Life is good. I’m learning to love and embrace the uncertainty.